Happy Wife, Unhappy Life

To husbands who believe in the adage, "Happy Wife - Happy Life," at the expense of popping your bubble: it doesn't work.*

In a healthy relationship or marriage, what you want, need, wish, care about is just as important as your spouse's. It is a balancing act between the two of you like being on a see-saw. If you feel like your needs or wishes are being valued, show your partner appreciation and reciprocate.

Putting your wife's needs in front of yours all the time, sets up the expectation that what's important to you doesn't matter. It's like having a two-car garage (one car for each of you) but instead your wife uses both parking spaces and you have a unicycle.

What makes someone want to follow this happy wife, happy life approach?

1) Bad advice

2) One's dad modeled this

3) To avoid conflict by people-pleasing

I would not be surprised if, over time, resentment builds up in at least one partner of a couple who has this pattern. The partner who does the people-pleasing has to suppress needs and wishes all the time which can be exhausting and frustrating. While the partner who gets prioritized may feel something is lopsided: they may equate no longer knowing what their partner wants or cares about to who their partner is...do either of you really want this?

*The exception is if you did something that warrants temporary damage control