"Can You Give Me An Example?"

I have seen this so often or have heard this second-hand both professionally and personally. It goes something like this:

Amanda: Whenever we're out with your friends, I feel like you put me down.

Gary: Really? Can you give me an example?

I usually hear this from Amanda (if she was my client) and then telling me the example she used that eventually turned into an argument.

To the Garys out there who respond this way: please don't. This is not about putting you down; she sent you this emotional ping because she wants to be heard. When you ask for proof (logical ping) in response, you invalidate Amanda.

Try this, Gary:

I do?...I had no idea I was doing this. This is a surprise to me. I feel so bad. Tell me what happens.